Bryan with a “y”

Wednesday 6:10 pm - sundown: Spirits very high. I enjoy filet of sole, penne with vodka sauce and miller light – finish by 7:45 – I can tack this time on and delay end of my fast – prepare for ascent to summit of fasting for Yom Kippur mountain – estimated time of arrival 6:15 pm, Thursday evening.

Thursday 8:00 am – start of trek – I stumble and brush my teeth – immediately call a Yom Kippur mulligan.

Thurs 9:15 am – on way to Yom Kippur team rendevous point (my office), Elisa wants coffee, so do I but I pass, committed to my fast – I continue journey

Thursday 9:17 am – route takes expedition party past Jamba Juice, consider immediate abort of mission. I continue forward.

Thursday 9:30 am – arrive at team rendevous point (work) and Yom Kippur base camp – Jewish friends nowhere to be seen, I am surprised and disappointed – they did not come to work today - I update blog, already reconsidering abort of fast.

Thursday 9:45 am – ridiculed by non-fasting coworkers for not realizing everyone would have off – feel abandoned, but taunts strengthen my resolve.

Thursday 9:49 am – Ominous sign, first hunger pang, or is it altitude sickness? I am on mountainside with no supplies and no support team, fierce rain storm raging outside.

Thursday 10:45 am – second hunger pang, considering eating immediately, still want to follow through on commitment – drink water – call 2nd mulligan

Thursday 11:18 am - ridiculed for second time – not enjoying Yom Kippur. Shame, isolation and hunger starting to consume me – yet I continue…

Thursday 11:36 am – stomach growling, ridiculed for riding Vespa and having funny hair as well as fasting alone. Hunger hallucination devil on my shoulder speaking to me in “roastbeef-ese” and I like what he’s sayin’…

Thursday 11:58 am – spirits are at all time low, but discuss heading to triple 5 soul sample sale tomorrow and momentarily cheer up. I welcome the distraction, but my emotions get the best of me – Yom Kippur map is lost and will to survive quickly fading…

Thursday 12:00 pm – my slight hunger is proving too much for me to bear and clouding my better judgment and commitment to ascent - upset over “non Kippur” - I can smell a coworkers lunch…

Thursday 12:03 pm - I succumb to my weakness and shamefully turn around from Yom Kippur fast mountain – I wander from my office into the rain, confused, lost and hungry…

Thursday 12:20 pm – I am a complete and utter failure – I curse my weakness and the blackness and cold of Fast mountain. I have lost several fingers and toes - not to frostbite, but to myself – I ate them.

Thursday 12:23 pm - I am rescued from the fasting valley by a chicken sandwich, entire bag of sesame pretzels and one diet doctor pepper – official time of Yom Kippur fast failure: 12:23:47 pm

Thursday 12:33 pm – I am back at Yom Kippur base camp in the failure tent, spirits improving with every bite of food – another non Jewish coworker from other side of office asks why I gave up on mission - I explain I was not ready for solo attempt – she informs me she too is on journey and would have followed me all the way to the summit. I curse myself for not finding her and joining parties – I am convinced I could have succeeded with her help. Curses!!!! I admire her strength as she continues onward…

Thursday 3:01 pm – Coworker takes me to Starbucks and buys me tall soy hot chocolate with pumpkin spice (no whipped) to liven my spirits – then ridicules me for ordering “girly drink”. I sip my drink and I look back upon the face of fasting for Yom Kippur mountain, defeated and humbled.
I will summit you someday. Someday…

I sip my drink, and walk off into the rain…

- last journal entry

- Bryan Murphy is an artist and writer that rides a Vespa and lives in New York City. He is not Jewish, although he is an honorary member as he is circumcised. Bryan is inexperienced in the field of fasting, unfamilliar with Jewish traditions and the celebration of Yom Kippur. This was his first solo attempt, and subsequent failure, at a fast.